I'll start by saying, everyone's ADHD story is UNIQUE to them. There are so many symptoms that belong to each individual so when reading this, I urge you to not judge me, to have empathy and to not judge yourself on my personal experiences.
I'll also mention very straight forwardly how SERIOUS ADHD is. It's not a TikTok joke. It's not a "laziness disease" or just "tech addiction" - it's a deficiency of an IMPORTANT chemical in the brain. It's no different to someone having any other PHYSICAL illness.
For example, people with ADHD statistically have more instances of:
Substance abuse
Suicide
Accidents
Eating Disorders
Anxiety Disorders
Learning Disorders
Job Instability and more.
It's a very REAL condition with very real consequences if you don't take the steps to care for yourself or your loved ones with ADHD.
With that being said, here's my story:
I knew I wasn't "normal" aka: "neurotypical" when I was about 7 years old. I had this sinking feeling in my gut that I was different to other kids in my pre-school. I did things at VERY different rates, I didn't fit in from that first day of kindy and I felt "out of sorts" 24/7. It's pretty intense for a 7 year old to recognise that they don't feel normal, but I knew.
I was born in Brisbane, Australia. I was born jaundice and later I found out, I have something called Gilbert's Syndrome (which is linked to ADHD) so perhaps I got a DOUBLE dose of ADHD) - alongside all it's other symptoms. Anyway, I met certain markers VERY early - which can actually be the OPPOSITE to some people with ADHD, but for me - I was a VERY confident child. I was having full on sassy conversations from the age of 2 (yes, 2) and reading books about philosophers by 4. My parents would have a VERY hard time getting out of a supermarket when I was little without me telling the person next to us all about my future career goals of being "a coffee shop lady"... If you meet them, ask them about it and they'll tell you how cute but time consuming it was...
All that aside, I was a highly anxious child. I went to school where the kids didn't want to hear about my career aspirations at 6 years old and I started to get bullied for being "different". I always had a strong sense of style, a "loudness" about me... which wasn't liked by other kids and my life only got harder re: fitting in as time went on. So I started to HATE school. I'd beg my working parents to homeschool me (which Mum did try for 6 months and that also didn't work well because then, I missed my little group of friends) and nothing seemed to fit. Thank goodness for music, music lessons outside of school, sports and extracurricular ACTIVITY. Without those things my behaviour would have slipped immensely.
Every report card (my mum has kept them all) said "Emma is talented, yet she doesn't apply herself", "Emma is easily distracted", "Emma doesn't apply herself" - And the report marks themselves would be either A+ or C-D. NOTHING in between. Now I know that's a clear marker of ADHD; being able to hyperfocus on tasks we enjoy (and get the "fun" chemical dopamine from) vs not being able to do tasks I didn't care about.. and when I say not being able to do them, I mean it - I could HARDLY force myself to do it... if it was maths, my brain literally would NOT turn on vs english where I could write for days... If I had a life motto back then (even sometimes today oops haha) it would be "I'm BORED".
So I went through school failing subjects yet winning awards in others!? My teachers didn't understand it - neither did I but that's what would happen. I did very well in music which led me to winning a "Golden Fiddle Award" which was a pretty cool thing in Australia and our school was proud... yet I could barely achieve the right marks to not fail school across the board of all subjects.
All of this was going on, I hardly had any friends I liked, I still didn't fit in which was being made worse by the fact that I was failing maths and science but being highlighted upon in school parades and such for my hyperfocus's... which led to panic attacks, depression and horrible school attendance.
With all that being said, ADHD never crossed anyone's minds as I was a "good girl" for the most part. I didn't punch people, scream at other kids, throw things across the room like the boys in the class that got their ADHD diagnosis's early... instead I got diagnosed with everything BUT ADHD through out my late teens; dysthymia, anxiety, OCD, GAD etc... I tried SSRI's which did NOTHING for my issues. I was feeling pretty darn lost if I'm honest.
That's until I hit 28. I'd studied psychology and then counselling and the information just kept adding up and adding up.... things started to make sense!? My brain was DIFFERENT!? There wasn't anything "wrong" with me!? I wasn't depressed? I was only "depressed" when I was trying to be "normal" and do things I wasn't getting enough chemicals from... or if something was giving me RSD:
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - a symptom of ADHD that almost ALL neurotypical people struggle with. It's basically when rejection of any kind (even a simple NO from a friend) is perceived to be WAY bigger than it is by the brain and the emotional fall out from this is very difficult. For some it can even result in self harm and suicidal tendencies which wasn't the case for me, more-so a feeling of DEEP sadness that couldn't be taken away. Here's more on RSD as that's a whole blog post of it's own which I will write about: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd
Here were the signs and signals that I had ADHD (as a woman) that you might resonate with:
Trouble concentrating on subjects/anything that doesn't interest me.
Hyper focusing and doing exceptionally well at things that DO interest me. (Luckily that's psychology to this day :) )
Fidgeting constantly, unable to sit still.
Feeling anxious when not in a hyper focused state - thoughts wandering to unhelpful subjects.
Feeling "wired" constantly. Unable to relax.
Feeling overwhelmed often and feeling as though you can't catch up.
Being very emotional around things others seem to "cope with".
Feeling things very deeply.
Perceives rejection harshly.
Decision fatigue - get's tired to the bone when faced with multiple decisions.
Harsh self talk.
Caffiene doesn't affect me at all - I actually sleep after a coffee or tea (hello, stimulant effect).
Addiction to dopamine in the form of tech addiction.
Finding new hobbies and dropping them after the dopamine effect wears off.
Sleep issues.
So. - what's this whole dopamine thing you speak about Emma? Well it's VERY complex... essentially dopamine is a chemical that helps ALL of us do things, and feel good from doing things. It's a task driver. HOWEVER, there's a belief that people with ADHD literally do not make the chemical in the same way as a "neurotypical" or "normal" person does so trying to do tasks that don't already have some dopamine involved become almost impossible. Sometimes medication can raise the dopamine base level so that you can do these tasks easier, this can be a helpful option for some of us. There's also other ways that ADHD affects the brain which is stated in this info graphic. Credit: twoemb.substack.com
Flash forward to today, I'm happier, healthier and more "me" than ever. I've accepted I have ADHD. I know it's actually a GIFT!!! It makes me move fast in a crisis, it helps my creativity, it makes me unique and it gives me a drive like no other. All of GOOD ADHD side effects come to the surface as long as I do the right self care practises and don't let myself burnout. Burn out is one of the hardest factors in managing ADHD and finding good strategies with a therapist is KEY. This is the work I've done and I feel so very glad I looked into ADHD management further vs just tried to rely on medication which honestly is helpful, but it's not everything.
So that comes to what do you actually do Em? I'll list my most helpful strategies in overcoming the negative symptoms of ADHD:
Watching out for burnout. When I feel burnout coming on (and I had to TRAIN myself to be more sensitive to the signs and signals of this aka: feeling burn out at 20% vs 80%) I make sure to: EAT WELL, remove most technology from my surroundings, MOVE MY BODY, journal, do active meditations (like yoga as I struggle to lie down still for a "traditional meditation") and baths. I basically go full on self care/rehab mode.
I don't take stimulant medications. Do I think they help some people!? Yes. I prefer going down a more natural route. I will drink STRONG Matcha Green Tea because of the good caffeine levels which stimulate dopamine but it also contains the relaxing element of l-theanine so I don't get panicky from it, magnesium bisglycinate, omega 3 oils & for a while I took saffron which in studies seems to be efficacious.
I adjusted my life for ADHD by making tasks that I found difficult easier. I.e. I set up lists of tasks and break them up. Doing small, tiny loads of washing is easier for me vs big loads. Ordering groceries online. Using paper plates on nights where I'm feeling burnt out. Put my supplements in a cute container (if something is cute, I'm getting a lot more dopamine out of it, just sayin'). I walk my dogs in two short bursts, AM & PM vs going for a massive walk which overwhelms me (they seem to like this too tbh). Leaving a yoga mat set up in the lounge vs having that extra step to put it out. Having a strong google calender set for the week. These things HELP. Decision fatigue was a huge part of my story and this has lessened the load.
Doing things I love, doing them often. Leaving others expectations of me behind. This was HUGE. I am perfectly me. I'm not good at maths, so I do what I'm good at and employ an accountant. Automise instagram, client bookings etc as much as possible. I focus on my amazing gifts vs worrying about the things I struggle with so much.
I surround myself with people who WANT to understand me. Even if that's a smaller group of people, that's my safe space. I highly suggest removing anyone from your life who doesn't want to TRY to understand you, who doesn't celebrate you and who doesn't make you feel GOOD. We don't need those people around us. When we're trying our best, doing good for others, there are people out there who want to be there. Focus on them.
These are just only 5 of the main steps I used to optimise my life with ADHD - there are about a million more. This is where an ADHD focused therapist can be helpful. Yes, that's something I do but finding someone you resonate with will be KEY.
Lastly - the DIAGNOSIS. I got my offical diagnosis 2 years ago. In Australia that's done by going to doctor who will then refer you to a psychiatrist. My psychiatrist was amazing and through with his examination. This happened over 2 sessions, 1 hour each in length. I also brought with me all of my relevant report cards. In the first session he was basically like "yeah you have it" haha - I told him I was bored in the 2nd assessment which he laughed about later. In Australia in general the assessment process is $800 upwards... yes, it's a LOT. But was it worth it? 100%. I feel lighter just KNOWING I have ADHD. I feel lighter knowing I can get medication when/if I need it. I feel lighter knowing I wasn't crazy or weird this whole time - just deficient in dopamine.
Did I grieve a little? Also, yes. I experienced a wide array of emotions which is NORMAL. If you get a diagnosis, of course you might feel the weight of those harsh comments from parents, teachers, friends weigh down on you. Little you didn't know any better, little you was trying, you're trying NOW. It's all a lot. I suggest letting yourself FEEL this. Process it. Journal it. Go through it. Don't hold back the anger, tears etc. Let them out and let it be part of your story. There's nothing embarrassing about this, it's normal.
Again; I want to repost what I said in the beginning of this blog post, on how SERIOUS ADHD is:
People with ADHD statistically have more instances of:
Substance abuse
Suicide
Accidents
Eating Disorders
Anxiety Disorders
Learning Disorders
Job Instability and more.
Let that sink in. Imagine if more people with ADHD got the help they needed, how the world would change...
Of course, once again, this is a very SMALL blog post on a very big topic, one with so many nuances and I will write on this further. Let me know if this blog has been helpful and if you need or want any information on anything mentioned in this.
The best place to contact me is on instagram: www.instagram.com/therapy_em_ or on tiktok:
With love,
Em.
